Would You Guys Like To Make A Movie With “Spider-Man” In The Title?
Hey guys. I think it’s about time we made another movie with Spider-Man in it. Or has the word “Spider-Man” in the title. Either one works for me, really. Look, I’ve been running this company for...
View ArticleYou Guys Want To Go To The Club Tonight And Nod At Girls?
Look, Lee. You just got broken up with. You’re SINGLE. SINGLE. You’re free now, man. Come on out with us tonight. It’ll be great. We’ll pre-game at Rick’s house until Greg gets off of his shift. Greg...
View ArticleThe 4 Biggest FAILS Of The Week
These FAILS are HILARIOUS. You can’t NOT laugh. Huge Dirt Bike FAIL For as long as he could remember, Jared had wanted a dirt bike. And as he watched his father unload the bike from the back of the...
View ArticleI Won’t Hurt You Like All Those Guys You Had Healthy Relationships With Did
I’m different. I’m different from all of those long-term relationships in the past with all of those guys who meant well. I’m with you now, so that obviously means that I’m different from all of them....
View Article3 Things That Jason Derulo’s “Trumpets” Taught Me About Love
Jason Derulo’s music over the past year has taken us through the gamut of what it’s like to be in love, from the initial, platonic flirting, to the fun trips with women who can’t speak English, to the...
View Article11 Barack Obama Puns That Should Be Too Stupid To Exist
In response to the fear-mongering and sensationalism brought on by a bunch of news outlets running headlines like “EBOLA COULD BE IN YOUR MOM!”, the nation’s wittiest pun crafters have rushed to...
View ArticleCRACKED COLUMN: 6 Harsh Realities of Life as a Video Game Tournament Winner
About a month-and-a-half ago, I won a Super Smash Bros. tournament at a local video game store. It changed me. In some ways, I’m stronger, but, if that’s the case, then why do I feel so broken? Now I...
View ArticleYou Guys Want To Get Drunk And Fight?
Who’s tryin’ to fight? You look liked you’d like to fight later. How about we get drunk and fight? That way, if people ask us why we’re fighting, it’s because we’re drunk, but we won’t tell them it’s...
View ArticleThis Article Is About Ebola. For God’s Sake, Click On It.
Look, I just need some hits here, people. I have bills to pay, so I figured that I’d write something about Ebola. Not any specific thing about Ebola. Just something declaring something about Ebola....
View ArticleYou’re So Good, But You’re So Bad, Baby
Are you a bad girl? Mmmmm. Tell me that you’re a bad girl. Tell me that you like to get naughty. You’re such a bad girl. Oooh, baby. Well, maybe you’re not such a bad girl. You’re more of an antihero...
View ArticleI Don’t Think People Should Judge Me For Who I Really Am
Who are you? Really? Like, who are you to say that what I do is wrong? You’re not better than me. Yes, admittedly, I do rank the feelings of others below my own. Consistently. And, yes, if I’m not...
View ArticleThe 5 Most Badass Songs Of All Time (When You’re 13)
Are you guys ready to get…tight? When you’re 13, your standards for badassery are pretty low, and include anyone above the ninth grade. It’s because of these standards that you end up making...
View Article3 Important Things That I Forgot About Because I’m A Giant Idiot
I forgot to post these three things when they were released because I’m forgetful and lack content management aptitude. CRACKED: I HELP OUT AT A HAUNTED TRAIL EVERY HALLOWEEN AND IT GAVE ME INSIGHT...
View ArticleI Like A Woman With A Sense Of Humor Who Isn’t Funnier Than I Am
Hahahaha. I agree when they say that online dating is a mixed bag, but I’m glad to see that this is one of the good ones. After dinner, do you want to go get drinks somewhere? I know this place on...
View ArticleMy Ex Will Be At This Party And I’ll Be Okay For At Least Half Of It
Hey, man. You know the theatre cast party right before Christmas break? Whose apartment is it gonna be at? Okay, word. Yeah, I just wanted to know so that I could show up and keep it together for 50%...
View ArticleThe 5 Most Terribly Awkward Rapper Cameos In History
People love rappers! And people love movies! But like bubblegum and any company that yearns to release a “bubblegum-flavored” product, sometimes two things simply refuse to go together properly. The...
View Article2 New Cracked Columns (About The South And Dating)
In the latest edition of “DANIEL FAILS TO PROMPTLY UPDATE DANIELSFUNNY.COM,” I neglected to share links to my latest columns for Cracked.com. The first is about how I was raised. A lot of people said...
View ArticleChili’s Is A Lonely Place To Die
Restaurants take great care when trying to establish a certain atmosphere. For instance, Taco Bell’s look is meant to inspire a feeling of “It’s 2 AM, and your relationship won’t last through college...
View Article3 NEW CRACKED COLUMNS
I’ve had 3 new columns come up at Cracked.com recently, and you should all read them! The first is about Hellboy’s greatest enemy: trains. 6 Action Stars Who Survived Shit That Would Kill Superman The...
View Article2 New Cracked Columns About Exercise And Hollywood
I wrote two new Cracked.com columns, which I’m sure you’re all frothing at the gums to tear into. Hey, you jocks! 7 SPECIAL MEMBERSHIP TYPES EVERY GYM NEEDS TO OFFER And this is one for all the...
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